This is a post that calls out self sabotage. Those sneaky thought patterns and behaviors that help keep away all that is for your growth and your level-ing up, because maybe it's hard to believe that life could really be that good for you. Maybe you doubt you deserve it, or have a hard time trusting positive things. Maybe because it's unfamiliar. Our brain is rigged to set out an alarm for unfamiliar feelings, and sometimes we can register good feelings and positive experiences as alarming if it's not something that's a part of our norm.
There's the healing work, which I'm so glad is a regular part of the conversation now. But what about the part of the healing where it's hard to accept when good things come?
After years of self healing work, I keep encountering the truth I've heard but now can see and know is so true: the work is never done; it's always an ongoing process. I've ended connections that don't serve me. I've learned from the enviroments I've been in and filled my spaces with relationships and environments that support me. And now that all these positive things are coming into my life, the next level of work arises: how to accept this abundance?
I have moments in my relationship and in my growing private practice where I'm scanning the situation for the glitch. For the set up. Waiting for the other shoe to drop. Because my experiences have taught me that things have to be hard: relationships are supposed to have lots of drama. Work is supposed to be unmanageable and stressful.
How crazy is that?! Unhealthy patterns become so familiar that even if they're not present, I'd find myself sometimes wanting to create them, to make an issue, to "test" the validity of whatever good thing is now present in my life.
At a subconscious level, I know I have a belief system that relationships don't work out in the end; because in my childhood that wasn't what I saw.
I also have a false negative belief that social workers are overworked, underpaid, and burnt out to the point that they have a hard time enjoying life because of what I've seen in the clinics I've worked in.
So this is one of the steps: calling out these falsities that have been taking up space in my head but not paying rent. These beliefs add no value to my life. And even more reason to evict their asses: they AREN'T TRUE!! Healthy, loving relationships exist, and they can happen simply by relaxing into the flow of connection. Working in a helping profession can be both enjoyable and profitable. Life does not have to be hard, chaotic, or dramatic for it to be authentic.
The beauty of this life is that with awareness and discipline, we can choose our thoughts. Our repeated thoughts become our beliefs. Our beliefs can become our realities. We can actively curate a reality that welcomes health and abundance into our lives.
This is a call to action to the highest part of myself. The self doubt, self sabatoge, and critical parts of me come up when something is new, because they are trying to protect me; they don't know what's happening and the unknown can be really scary. I am now dedicating all of my being to acknowledging these parts as they arise, and not allowing them to dictate my reality. This has to do with RESPONDING, rather than REACTING.
RESPONDING: Listening. Deep belly breaths. Acknowledging. Leaning into discomfort. Curiousity about the unknown. Trusting the process. Believing in the abundance of the universe.
REACTING: Lashing out. Shallow chest breathing. Fear based approach. No room for listening; racing thoughts. Adrenaline pumping. Fight or flight. Scarcity mindset.
I challenge you to take an honest look at what gets in the way of you accepting all the greatness you deserve. What do those self sabotage thoughts sound like? What triggers those thoughts? What do you begin to feel in your body when you're reacting from a fear based place? Write it down. Recognize what's happening while it's happening and pause. Breathe deeply 5 times, 10 times, 15 times; however many times it takes to release tension in your body.
Let's get intentional about how to respond to these parts rather than reacting so we can design the lives we are meant to live, rather than repeating old habits we've downloaded from our environment. Let's upload new beliefs that serve us and grow us.
I'm waking up to the beauty of what's within me. What's within all of us. Working through the "muck", the difficult parts, the painful parts, allows me to reach new depths of beauty. What is it time for you to work through?
Here's to responding from our highest self,